I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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