Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
