I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
