If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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