you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
