wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
