I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
