Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
