Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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