it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
