You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
