He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
