1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
