am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
