Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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