Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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