i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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