Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
