my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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