nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
