How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
