brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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