Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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