Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
