I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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