"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
