you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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