Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
