i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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