I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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