so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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