He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
