Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
