Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
