i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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