How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
