i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
MIDGETS
????
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
