Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You took a bar mat shot.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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