Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
