just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
