I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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