we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
