I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
