i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
