We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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