So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
