worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
