youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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