Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he shaved USA in his pubs
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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