I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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