Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
