My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
