You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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