I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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