Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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