I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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