Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can you bring me the toilet please
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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