I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
