please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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