No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
