Dual....:-)
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
high people should be assigned attendants
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
