So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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