I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
