yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
