I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
