The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
